Tuesday, October 13, 2009
WTF IS THIS
*Aaron*who wanna get to my guest list for an event on the 15th??get a group of 5.FREE entrance and drinks.....ASAP!! says:
ask u
joveeal - rhetoric. says:
?
*Aaron*who wanna get to my guest list for an event on the 15th??get a group of 5.FREE entrance and drinks.....ASAP!! says:
u club very often?
joveeal - rhetoric. says:
quite ah
why ah
weekends lor
nowadays only alot
*Aaron*who wanna get to my guest list for an event on the 15th??get a group of 5.FREE entrance and drinks.....ASAP!! says:
few of my frds who knw u
joveeal - rhetoric. says:
last time hardly
*Aaron*who wanna get to my guest list for an event on the 15th??get a group of 5.FREE entrance and drinks.....ASAP!! says:
said u are hard core clubber
haha
joveeal - rhetoric. says:
WTF
WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS
Says .Jovial. at
4:05 AM
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I can't believe it.
September ends just like that. I thought there would be some miracle. However, I can safely say that in these 4 months, many things had happened.
Mistakes I have done. Choices that i have made, all backfired.
It was deeply painful. I wish it would be something like before, say in year 2007. Tears flowed upon reading all the posts that i had actually put up.
the songs, the poems, the feelings at that particular moment makes me feel i am ze biggest failure in 2009.
I thought everything would be fine. A job, a car, a puppy to play around with. But I never expect that i am lacking something more worthwhile; A person whom I could put my entire trust on, to be there for me to cheer me up and to keep my momentum going on when i am down.
I really wish I do not fall again, to be back to square one. to have nothing to look forward to.
I am now.
Says .Jovial. at
3:32 AM
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Something to pen down.
This would be something that i would so totally want to remember for the rest of my life.
Probably I might forget this somewhere along down the road, but I guess this blogpost will stay in archive and once upon reading it, I will know that I was once loved :)
I hardly mention about my colleagues whom i met at work, and now i would proudly say that i DO love them a lot. Not all, but just a handful of them.
The feeling wasn't that prominent until I dropped one of my seniors back after supper, she held her hand out and i shook her hand thinking it was some friendly shake. Then she lean towards me and kiss both sides of my cheeks.
To my astonishment (zomg! i'm like writing an essay) I was deeply touched, and I felt fuzzy all over. Well the feeling still lingers now. It feels like the grinch was being kissed by the lil girl (Yes i admit i'm now one bitter bitch!)
It feels really nice to not only to have your loved ones to shower you with tender loving care, but friends, colleagues you see at work everyday.
I do feel appreciated and cherished from her actions. Though it may seem like a usual parting gesture, it does mean a hell lot to me. And that incident marks another chapter of my life :)
It's hard for me to blog about happy things, but this. This is an exception.
Says .Jovial. at
3:16 AM
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
As you can see, I have made some slight changes on my blog.
There are reasons on why'd i did that.
After 2 or more years of thinking that I have met The One, we have decided to go on separate ways, which is rather depressing.
But fret not, September will be a fresh start for me, to start anew, to enjoy singlehood. I am not comforting myself, but I guess that's how life is supposed to be ain't it?
I always tell my friends, that if the next guy comes along, i will definitely plan for marriage. Then again, I guess it's total bullshit if you asked me right now. Hence, I'll just put that crazy thought aside.
Been beating around the bush trying to salvage a lot of things. Trying to mend things right. Trying to just be a better me. I couldn't really see things that has planned out for me. I guess I should be the one to be blame because I am the one who is paranoid over everything.
And yes, thinking too much, and imagining the worst case scenario ever.
I guess being in love is temporary. The courtship, the sweet talks, the showering of hugs and kisses does not last forever. Pure infatuation i must say.
Well, I still have a lot more things in life to concentrate on rather than being in love. In contrast with this, I may be getting someone new, but I will not be seaching for it.
Whatever happens, happens for a mafaka reason.
Says .Jovial. at
4:31 AM
Monday, August 31, 2009
I am going back with a broken heart.
Relinquish love. Refurbish love. Renewed love. Fresh love.
All happens in a nick of time. and all collapsed before my eyes with a click of a finger.
I would always blame myself for being insecure, paranoid and hallucinating most of the time.
You you you are all hot and cold. and it totally drives me mad.
I need to stay out of this. I wish i could. I cannot bear going round the circles again. I thought I could pick myself up since i am someone with experience in all these.
The pain is just there. It still feels the same after so many years. There is no improvement.
Why must this all comes back to me over and over again. I know i might be playful, but why are my feelings being played as well?
I need help. I need to get through all this fast. I don't want to stay in this circle of agony anymore.
Says .Jovial. at
12:33 AM
Thursday, July 23, 2009
i stopped importing my blog posts to facebook-notes.
I feel that I am exposing everything to the public. 692 friends, colleagues, ex bfs and etc.
I shall see how many of you realized this.
Anyways, I have been working for about 2 months now, reaching 3. It is fun in a way, but it has its bad sides also. Me.my fucked up attitude. and my fucking mindset.
I must set my priority right. First things first.
Accurate and precise. How do i do it? Go slow and double check my work. Damn you Jovial Chai you are fucking dealing with people's money, how can you fucking take things so easy and stay in your own comfort zone?
I am feeling the anxiety cutting in. I can barely sleep. I freaked out whenever i reach home thinking that i did not do certain procedures that may cost me more ERROR logs. FUCKKK. one is enough. Thank you very much.
I need my confirmation. I need my fucking salary. I need more cash. I need to fucking prove that i can work. I need to fucking show to them I am reliable and an asset to the company not a liability.
I broke up. I patched up. I broke up. I partially patched up. I broke up again. For good.
I can't seem to fucking potty train my puppy. I am fucked. I have to clean up her mess every fucking time I let her out of the cage, if she stays in the cage, she'll bark like nobody's business. FUCK.
I am broke. I am still eating. barely surviving. I need to settle my credit card bills. pay my car installments. pay my house rents. save for langkawi trip. pay my study loans. pay my phone bills. pay my parking tickets. pay my speeding tickets. pay every fucking thing.
I am a fucking adult. I need to fucking grow up. My OCD is getting worst. I am fucked. My brain works 24/7. My body needs rest. I drink and drive. I am going to die anytime soon.
My friends are great. I feel like i have not given enough. I feel I am losing them. sometimes I feel that i am driving myself nuts. What is wrong with them? Do they have any problems with me? What will the think of me? I am becoming more and more vulgar, this is bad. I need to change. My ego is high. My mind is fucked. I have an id and a devil in my head. OMG anxietyyyyyyyyy.
I need to stay calm. I need to chillax. I miss my friends. I miss those who are faraway from me. Sometimes i just with I am alone.
I am fucked. for good.
Says .Jovial. at
3:29 AM
